new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
