You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
