HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
