I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
