I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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