why didn't you poke me back
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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