By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
