Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
