I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
this hospital has no fireball
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
