First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
