We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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