She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
