i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this beer tastes like vomit already
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
