I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
