You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
