Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
