I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
