Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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