Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
