So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
