Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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