I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
