you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
