I love black thongs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
