Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
