she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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