i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
