I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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