are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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