I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
