so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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