I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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