If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
