so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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