My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
