I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
