you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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