Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
