Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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