I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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