Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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