My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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