I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
