There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
