I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
