I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
