the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
