my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
