their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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