names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
