She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize