I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
