Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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