Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
