I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
