i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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