giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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