the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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