hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
