were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
